I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
