i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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