I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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