Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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