I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's always time for handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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