It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
