Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
