people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
