He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
