you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
