Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
