I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
