All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i'm high and self actualising, please send help