Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
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MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"