ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need a hoe opinion