I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now