hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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