i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
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I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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