genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
