Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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