I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
