Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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