I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we're so committed to being not committed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
