I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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