Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
