So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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