I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Still dying that you shit outside
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
