remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
