He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
