I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
