dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
