Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
