his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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