Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
