I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
