take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
