So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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