don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
