Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
