Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
His nipple licking is glorious
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