Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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