i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My vagina is very pro this idea
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