If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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