Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
"it" just moved
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
