It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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