when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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