I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i think im in europe. pls send help
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
