come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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