i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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