I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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