he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
