Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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