I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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