guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
