All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
