I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
