Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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