16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
