you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
