i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
