My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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