The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
