i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
